Never Settle

Like Brittany Snow’s character, Kate, in John Tucker Must Die says, “I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, ‘I want you to want me.’ Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after. But it is never really like that, is it?”

As human beings, we long to be around people who long to be around us. No one wants to force a relationship, a friendship or even a conversation if the other person doesn’t put forth the same effort. For a lot of people though, attraction to another person has a lot to do with the chase. And unfortunately, once the chase is over, usually so is whatever was going on between the two people. Because it’s just so crazy to think that you could actually want someone who wants you back… right?

A simple text that just says “hey” from a guy who you are in no way, shape or form interested in can come across as so annoying and creepy. Yet, that same text from a guy you like can completely turn your day around. And yes, that is embarrassing and pathetic to admit. Because who wants to base their happiness or the quality of their day on whether another person decides to speak to you or not?

Usually, once you get to the point where you decide a guy is creepy or annoying, there’s really no turning back. The guys who you aren’t interested in seem to always be the attentive and persistent ones and the ones who you wait days to hear from are the ones whose every word you hang on. I guess it’s true that we want what we can’t have.

But when is that going to change? It’s hard to imagine the day that you’ll finally find someone who doesn’t annoy you but is persistent. Someone who isn’t creepy but sends you good morning and good night texts. Someone who likes you as much as you like them. I have no clue when that will happen for me. I obviously can’t control that. What I can control is who I let into my life until I do find that.

I’ve gone through many situations with guys that I knew weren’t going to end well. Literally… I would have people tell me not-so-great things about them and I’d think, “Hm, maybe this guy isn’t so great after all.” Yet, I would keep talking to them in hopes that I would be the person to change them. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to be that girl who magically makes them change their ways and actually act like they cared about someone other than themselves. As harsh as it is, the people that happens to are the exception, not the rule.

Gigi is probably the most pathetic female character in a romantic comedy known to man, but a lot of us can relate to parts of her character on a certain level.

So as much as that sucks to admit sometimes (when you finally tell yourself he’s just not that into you) – you owe it to yourself. Time and time again this has happened to me because I kept thinking I was the exception. Like for example – this girl I know hooked up with this guy in college for years who blew her off most of the time and messed with her head and then they graduated and actually started dating and moved in together and are probably going to get married soon. It turns out that her asshole actually ended up being her prince charming. So it’s easy to think, “What happened to her could happen to me.” But no, you have to tell yourself that she is the exception while most of us, sadly, are the rule (like Gigi explains above.)

I’m not even looking for a relationship. I love being single and spending time with my friends and not having anyone to answer to. I don’t want a boyfriend… I just want people to stop wasting my damn time. I’m also not ashamed to say I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care so much about everyone and everything that I expect others to be the same way. After a few slaps in the face, I’ve learned my lesson that not everyone is going to care as much as some of us. Why waste a second caring about someone who probably doesn’t even think twice about me?

I know what you’re thinking… easier said than done. I’m not saying that I never get sad over a guy or a failed attempt at dating. Sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes it physically makes my heart hurt… the kind of hurt that you forget you can feel because at one point this person probably made you feel so good. However, I think it’s so true when people say it’s better to hurt than to not feel at all. If you don’t put yourself out there and at least try, then you’ll never feel anything and that is prettttty depressing in my opinion.

You tell him, Gigi!

I’ve had to tell myself that I deserve better than what I’ve been getting. I’m not going to be the girl who he ignores, who he can just text on the weekends (or just during the week in some cases), who he only snapchats and doesn’t actually communicate with. I refuse to be someone’s second option. I refuse to settle. I would rather be single the rest of my life than ever settle for something less than I know I deserve.

After being single for a while and thinking every guy I date is going to be the one, I’ve realized what people have preached to me my entire life. No one else can make you happy until you’re happy with yourself. No one can make you happy but you. If you depend on a text, a phone call, a snapchat, or any other form of acknowledgment from someone else to make you happy – you’re never going to be truly happy.

I can’t say I’m completely happy with myself yet. But I can say I’m done depending on someone else to do that for me, and I am pretty happy about that.

And I’ll end with the ending dialogue from He’s Just Not That Into You:

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.
But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending, we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never, ever, gave up hope.

BOOM. I think we all need to hear that and be reminded of those things from time to time. Also – another moral of the story is guys are dumb and we’re bad ass women who don’t need a man to depend on anyways! *hops off soap box again*

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